I’m going to preface this by saying that I do not consider myself a commitmentphobe. I don’t dislike commitment, I don’t shy away from it and it doesn’t scare me. I think the best way to describe my relationship with commitment is that it…bores me?
I’m a Gemini
I’m not a believer in Astrology in that I read my horoscope to know my future. But I do find I share way too many traits with the Gemini for that to be mere coincidence.
Astrologers believe Geminis have a volatile temperament, that their strength however is their versatility, and that their versatility allows them to learn a little about everything and develop skills in many areas. Geminis are considered to hold mysteriously unique artistic and creative abilities… They are enlightened to talk about any subject which they find interesting and where they can stimulate their naturally intellectual personalities. Geminis are noted to be drastic and hasty yet very responsible and disciplined…Due to their dual personality expressed by the twins of their sign…mood swings can occur often for Geminis because of their high degree of mental processing and thinking.
Wikipedia, Gemini (astrology)
The lines I bolded speak so truly to my character, that it’s actually quite scary. I LOVE to learn about new things, but I tire of my newfound projects easily. I’m impulsive – I came to the conclusion that I wanted a laptop on Friday, and by Sunday I was the proud new owner of a Rose Gold Macbook (and it only took me that long because I promised my husband that I would sleep on it).
It took me all of 10 minutes to decide I wanted to pick blogging back up, once I had my new laptop setup. Half hour later, I found a sale through GoDaddy to get my new domain for $0.99, and a theme I really liked on Etsy. Choosing my new blog name took me the longest – and that’s only because my first choice was already taken.
This impulsiveness, this reckless hastiness, means I can get myself into some pretty interesting situations, mood permitting. But it also means if I see something I like, I HAVE to have it. But, if I can practice patience, that intense desire to HAVE usually passes if given a day or two.
I’m the Queen of Starting New Projects
This combination of hasty impulsiveness and a burning creativity often results in many new projects. In the past few months alone I’ve:
- Budgeted using a Google Docs sheet
- Which expanded into a habit tracker
- Which expanded into Bullet Journalling
- Built a shelf out of crates, a DIY I found on Pinterest
- Scrapbooked (both physically and digitally)
- Created a gallery wall
- Started a 1000-piece puzzle
- Started a handful of books
- And the list goes on…
The problem isn’t that I try different things. The problem is that I rarely, if ever, see them through to the finish. I either abandon a project completely, or it sits unfinished for months, sometimes years!, before I finally get around to completing it.
Budgeting? I did that for 6 months, tops. And it was really only successful because I did it all online, and could reference my online banking to see my purchases. Updating my habit tracker daily lasted for a couple weeks, before I had to resort to looking through my photos and text messages to try and remember what I did on a particular day. I abandoned the whole thing after 3 months or so. Bullet Journalling was super fun and so so pretty! But the idea of planning to plan was way too constrictive for my liking, and that only lasted a month or so.
I have one completed bookshelf that I’m so so happy with, and one unfinished bookshelf sitting in pieces in my living room. I have two completed Project 52 (Project Life) scrapbooks, that I’m really proud of. But I also have 3 in various stages that I haven’t touched in months. I started a puzzle last weekend, and got about halfway done before I decided I wasn’t interested in it anymore and scrapped the whole thing. And I currently have 3? different books that I’ve started, but put down indefinitely.
My commitment problem is varied, and it is deep.
I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. My childhood is riddled with various activities that I initially loved, until I decided I never wanted to go back. Ballet, Swimming, Soccer, Brownies, Yearbook, Drama, Archery – there was never anything that I was passionate enough about to really stick to, year after year.
This trend even followed me into University! I enrolled in 3 different programs before deciding on my Major, and I think Philosophy only succeeded where everything else failed because it encompasses everything. Literally. Name a subject and there is a Philosophy course that will dissect the crap out of it!
With my tendency to run hot and cold, I’ve learned that the best way to not let my commitment-issues get me down is to celebrate every time I do complete a project!
My Project Life, Project 52 scrapbook albums are pulled out regularly, and I use my joy of re-visiting them to fuel my desire to continue with this year’s edition.
The satisfaction I got from redecorating my living room is really encouraging my desire to finish that second bookshelf. Now I just need the weather to cooperate for a full weekend!
And I know that I will read all three of those unfinished books. I just need to be mindful of when the mood to read strikes me, and pick the appropriate one for how I’m feeling in that moment. If I’ve learned anything about myself through the years, it’s that I need to listen to what my body and soul are telling me – instead of trying to tell them what they should want.
Do you also suffer from commitment issues? Or can you start a project and know that you’ll see it through to the end?